Well here I am DJing at the Collapsed Lung in Harlow on Saturday night at the legendary venue, The Square.
You know, I have to say, I actually ENJOYED both bands performing. [The support was Killa Instinct.] The best part though for me was looking across the audience from my DJ vantage point seeing my friends Erika and Nik smiling in the half light and Nik was singing a long to every word of every song [in fact as was everyone in the room – over 200 locals and fans!] and I was really content.
Imaging my totally non blissed out feeling however when I was standing in the toilet queue when the exgirlfriend decided it was the perfect moment to introduce herself. Which she did and it was fine – she could have missed out the part where she was grabbing my arm mind you. But you know, “Hi” if you really feel you have to. But trust me – I don’t feel any good vibration. I think you got your Marky Mark record out on the wrong speed. And so just when I thought the worst was over and I was having a relaxing pause doing a little wee in the privacy of my own cubicle, or so I thought, I could hear this little mosquito voice calling out to me “I am soooo happy that you are together with A. I just don’t want there to be any trouble or awkwardness.” On and on. And on. I tried to wipe myself dry and to disassociate myself from the noise as I touched myself “in that region”. I was so stunned when I came out all I could says was “For fuck sake. I’m having a piss!!” The wittering continued. I just didn’t get it at all. When she started on again about “I just don’t want there to be any awkwardness” I was having a good laugh by then and said “You are doing a good job at that then love. I’m going back to work.” Massive lols mate. What if I needed a poo?
I told my boss about it today who was laughing her head off about it and said “What is it with you and these weird other women? You bring out the worst in them!! Next thing you know she will be dressed up like Santa on the Internet sending you messages.”
It could have been worse I suppose. I could have made her fuck a melon or something. Not that I would ever make someone do that…